May 14, 2012

This has been a roller coaster week for me.  First, I was sure my counts were high enough to do my chemo round.  I had not been feeling that fatigued and I had no fever.  But when I went for lab tests, the counts were too low.  I was extremely disappointed.  My last round should have been August 1 and now we are up to August 22.  There are times it leels it is never going to end.

Next, my mom had to go to a rehab hospital.  She fell for the 2nd time in a month so that are giving her therapy to strengthen her body so that, hopefully, she will be able to walk without a walker.The frustrating part is that I can't go see her and I had tried calling her 3 or more times a day and couldn't get her.  I finally found out yesterday that I was calling the wrong number!  I had the last number wrong.  So I did get to have a great conversation with her for Mother's Day.

Now for some of the better things that have happened.  Chuck has been home since Thursday night and goes back to work tomorrow morning. Usually when he's home it is just for a day or 2 and there are so many people to see that I always feel like we don't get a lot of time for just the 2 of us.  Well, this time we have.  It's been wonderful to have him here.  He went to Ella's soccer game with me, church with me, and then we spent some quality time seeing his mom for Mother's Day.  His sister, 2 brother-in-laws, and our niece and nephew that just moved back from Hawaii were also there.  Also, Josh, Angie and the girls came over.  And of course we got to spend time with Jordan, Amity, and Randi.  I got sweet phone conversations with Bailey, Cole, and Lindsay.  They only have 9 days left of school and are looking forward to coming for a visit.  I, too, am looking forward to that.  I will truly miss having them for the whole summer like I usually do but a visit will be the next best thing!

I also got some sweet cards from my class, both get well and Teacher Appreciation.  It helps to know that they really miss me like I miss them.  Their little messages and emails and phone calls do a lot for my spirit.  The fact that they care makes me feel like I've done something right with them.  That helps when I am feeling like I let them down by being gone. I have always said this year that I have the best 5th grade class and that  they do have good hearts.

I have been pretty discouraged this week, to the point that I have even thought about talking to the doctor about stopping chemo.  But after my joys this last week, I am ready to go on again.  I still need and want all your prayers and  good thoughts.I do feel them in my times of doubt.  I am so thankful for my faith in the Lord because that also helps keep me strong.  I just keep reminding myself that He has promised that He wold never give us more than we could bear and that when one door closes, a window opens.  We just have to believe and look deep inside ourselves for that open window.

It's a new week and labs will be Tuesday.  Hopefully my counts will be higher and hopefully my protein will start going up.  Angie found a chart for me listing the most efficient proteins so I am trying that.  I appreciate all the suggestions I get from all of you. And mostly, I appreciate your love and support.  I have the best support system anyone could ask for with all my family and friends.